I know firsthand from when I had to sell my childhood home. In fact my Facebook memories just reminded me that the 7 year anniversary of that sale was this week. In 2019, my mom passed away suddenly. As the oldest adult child, became the administrator of her probate estate, which meant that in addition to grieving her death I was also responsible for handling all of her affairs and unraveling the mysteries that come with figuring out someone's finances...and that included selling my childhood home.
At that point, I'd been working in real estate for nearly 15 years and had handled plenty of probate and trust sales. I knew exactly what needed to happen to sell the house. But I also knew something else: I did not have the emotional bandwidth to list my mom's home. So I did something that might seem a little unusual for an experienced Realtor. I hired my best friend, who is also a Realtor, to list the house for me. I needed someone else who I trusted to deal with the details, communicate with the buyer's agent, handle the negotiations, and manage the transaction. I was already dealing with enough.
And even with someone else handling the sale, it was super emotional. I vividly remember sitting on the stairs of my mom's empty house the day before I was scheduled to sign the final closing paperwork. I sat there and cried. I thought about moving into that house when I was in fifth grade. I looked at the empty living room where mom previously had the fancy furniture we only got to sit on while opening presents on Christmas morning. Our kitchen and dining room where we had dozens of holiday dinners with family. How our house was the place where my friends would always come over and hang out, and where even after college we would reunite when people were in town. There were so many memories in that house. And sitting there, surrounded by its emptiness, I knew that a chapter of my life was coming to an end.
I knew selling was the right decision. I understood every part of the real estate transaction. But none of that made saying goodbye to my childhood home any easier. That experience gave me an even greater appreciation for what my clients go through when they're faced with selling a home after losing someone they love.
You may be familiar with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
These stages were originally described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and it's important to understand that grief doesn't follow a neat, predictable sequence. Not everyone experiences every stage, and emotions can come and go in no particular order. But I think the framework helps explain some of the feelings people experience when they're faced with selling a home after during a time of loss.
Denial: "I'm not ready to deal with this." Sometimes the thought of going through a loved one's personal belongings, clearing the home out, making repairs, preparing their home for sale, or even discussing the process can feel overwhelming. And that's understandable. Selling the home can make the loss feel more permanent. I know how unsettled it made me feel. When I work with families in this situation, one of the first things I try to do is help them understand what actually needs to happen right away and what can wait. There may be estate administration deadlines, financial obligations, or property maintenance issues that require attention, but not every decision needs to be made immediately. Sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is give someone a clear picture of their options without pressuring them to make a decision before they're ready.
Anger: "Why do I have to deal with all of this?" Losing someone you love can be incredibly unfair. And having to manage their estate, deal with paperwork, coordinate repairs, and make financial decisions while grieving can add frustration to an already difficult situation. Sometimes family members disagree about what should happen to a property. Sometimes there are unexpected expenses or problems with the home. Sometimes people are simply exhausted by everything they have to manage. My job isn't to judge those emotions or get caught up in family disagreements. It's to provide reliable information, communicate clearly, and help everyone evaluate their options and understand the practical implications of the decisions ahead.
Bargaining: "What if we didn't have to sell the house?" It's not unusual for families to explore alternatives to selling a loved one's home. Could someone in the family keep it? Would renting it make sense? Could one heir buy out the others? What would happen if the family waited before selling? These are all reasonable questions, and they're worth exploring. One thing I believe is that my job isn't to convince someone to sell a house. It's to help them make informed decisions about what makes the most sense. Sometimes selling is the best option. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, people deserve an honest assessment of their choices.
Depression and Sadness: "This is just too much." For many families, one of the most difficult parts of selling an inherited home is going through everything inside it. I recall this being particularly upsetting. A house might contain decades of belongings, family photographs, furniture, holiday decorations, and endless memories and reminders of who lived there. And then there are all the practical details. Does the house need repairs? Should it be painted? What should happen to the furniture? Who is going to clean everything out? What inspections are needed? Some estate administrators feel guilty about making repairs or cosmetic changes. I get it. And even relatively simple decisions can feel exhausting when you're grieving.
This is where an experienced Realtor can make a real difference. I can help coordinate inspections, contractors, estate sale companies, cleanout services, and other vendors. I can explain which repairs might be worthwhile and which expenses probably aren't necessary. I can help create a plan that breaks a seemingly overwhelming project into smaller, more manageable steps. I can help manage the details while you manage your emotions. And I can toggle just how involved my clients want to be. Some people want to participate in every decision. Others would prefer that I take as much off their plate as possible. Whichever point on the spectrum you land is fine with me. There's no single right approach.
Acceptance: "I'm ready to move forward." Acceptance doesn't mean the grief is gone. It doesn't mean someone is happy about selling the home or that the memories associated with it are any less important. Often it means they've reached a point where they're ready to make decisions. I've had estate executors tell me "I'm just ready for this part to be over." When that time comes, my job is to make sure they understand the market, their options, and the steps involved in selling the property. And to help them move forward knowing they've made informed decisions.
Grief isn't always about death. Although I've focused primarily on selling a home after someone passes away, grief can accompany many other major life changes. I've worked with people going through divorce who are selling the home where they expected to spend the rest of their life together. I've helped homeowners with short sales who are facing financial hardship, and they never imagined they'd have to leave their home. And I've worked with families as they navigate the difficult decision to downsize or move into assisted living.
These circumstances are different, but they can share a common emotional experience: letting go of a home can also mean letting go of a reality or a future someone had imagined for themselves. A house is a financial asset, and it's also where people build their lives. And that's worth honoring and remembering.
Sometimes even a Realtor needs a Realtor. Looking back on selling my mom's house, I'm grateful I made the decision to have someone else handle the sale. I could have listed it myself. I had the experience, the knowledge, and the professional resources to do it. But I recognized that I wasn't in the any position to separate my emotions from the business decisions that needed to be made. And frankly, I didn't want to have to. I wanted someone I trusted to handle the real estate side of things so I could focus on everything else that came with losing my mom and administering her estate.
That's exactly what I try to provide for the families I work with today.
In probate and trust sales, there can be additional complexities involving legal authority, estate administration, the property's condition, disclosures, coordination with attorneys, family dynamics, etc.
Having handled many of these transactions throughout my career, I'm comfortable navigating those details and working alongside the attorneys, fiduciaries, and other professionals involved. But I think the most important thing I've learned, both professionally and personally, is that everyone handles grief differently. Some people want to move quickly and get the sale behind them. Others need more time and the home will sit empty for years until there is something that compels a family to sell. Some want regular updates and lots of information. Others want to know that things are being handled without having to think about the property every day.
A good Realtor recognizes grief, respects it, and make sure the real estate transaction doesn't add unnecessary stress to an already difficult situation.
If you're facing the difficult task of selling a home after losing someone you love, or navigating another major life transition, I'm always happy to help you understand your options. You don't need to have everything figured out before we talk. And you certainly don't need to be ready to sell. Sometimes the best place to start is simply having a conversation.










